To accept certain facts
And eventually, move on
The world, in front or behind
Me now, that life never condones
Till death, from this life, and now I stand
Till forever more…forever now… I’m forever alone
Walking away from these bastards and hate
Once given…that they’ve always shown
Roses wilt in the eye of a storm,
They breath in life that love has lost;
Withered now, my soul to part this life
Like the soul of a flower left in the frost;
To oppose a thought that forever entombs
In the dying moment you forget the cost
To leave this world is a thought I’ve pondered
In the moments when my living reality gets tossed
If hell didn’t await…what then
The voices try and trick me, they always misconstrue
They make me feel like life can’t get any better
Like I’m only being molested or abused
You can twist my mind all you want
You can turn my hazel eyes a shade of blue
But I can say, I’m stronger than you thought,
Because I tell you now, I fefuse!!!
Schizophrenic Poems, Short Stories, and Thoughts
What is reality?
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Category: Schizophrenia
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Tend to me,
Oh incessant laborers
Of the night;
For daylight screams violence,
Crazed as time, and as
Relentless as existence;
We bleed turmoil
Doused in our own sins!
Vouch for me,
Oh friends, tossed in thought,
For we seek acceptance,
For the terror of our own
Incessant means,
For we are still bleeding;
And still,
Anemic
Save me please
Oh blessed Father,
For life seems to confuse;
Lost in the shadows of life,
Because reality seems like
A matrix, fake and generated
Dissociated and emotionless
In the absence of being held -
Not Ending So Fast
Storm clouds…they rage in us all
Satiating hungers, with a burning desire
We have to cast our anguish, even deeper
Ending with a need to set the world on fire!!!
So much is the lust, to give in, to the want
To feed, like a hungry and incessant liar
We feed on the feeling…the only one
Will we ever be invited, to a place much higher???
I have analyzed reality to a sickening repulsion!!!
And have nothing for the incessant gnarling inside,
I ask and pray, I hope and say…”Lord, help me to see,”
But all I want to do…I want to run away from life and hide,
Yet, all I can do is push it even deeper, back, back, further back,
Just wandering along hopelessly and listlessly enjoying the ride
Watching the mundane and inane, satiate their own hungers
If I had to say, “I enjoy the complexities of this life…” I’d lie
If I had to name a starting point, I’d say, it just grew,
From one defining moment in my life…the one I cant forget
But at the same ignorant moment, I can’t begin to recall,
Just a feeling of turmoil, disgust, rage, hate, and utter regret
Yes, I do try my best, I pray to God, I ask for peace and forgiveness
But the incessant gnarling inside, It’s some feeling I just don’t get
I want to say so many angry things, not to Him, only to me
Although, I feel as though I have lost some kind of sick bet…
I am not even angry with yesterday, I am only angry with myself
I am not even angry with the one who did it, so many days past
Satan and this demon of an absence, are my only forgettable foes
And not knowing how long this dissociation and absent reality lasts
Please pray for me, for I am, for I am honestly trying to see past these clouds
My life is, honestly a blessing in disguise, I cherish every moment cast
I Pray, the dark clouds, too shall pass away and just listlessly fade
Into a day, that goes on and on, for and an eternity…not ending so fast -
The shadows portray an instance,
Wandering in the chasms of Inlay, the lost
A vast landscape, where torrents of virtue
Burn in utter disgust, and lay in bitter agony
Come, ye brethren, and feel the shame
Inlay, the lost chasm calls to the lame
The lonely, come and call upon the ones
The ones, their wretched smirks…but we smile
We smile at their virtue, we smile…
Push the rage away, we continually push!!!
Is this the point, the one they talk about
Where demons are disguised in discourse
Do we get off, at the sight of the broken
Do we get off, at the sight of the broken
I call, to the One True God, am I alive
Is this the calling of ye brethren too
Do you have the same rage as I???
Do you have the same absence as I???
Push the rage away…
Push…Push…Pushhh!!!
CONTINUALLY PUSHHHHH!!!
It never goes away…
The incessant gnarling of teeth!!!
Inlay, the lost chasm you call
Tears of the fallen, have you fell
We see none, and know no more
Lost in the void of a soul…
The void…
Is this the void, once again??? -
Today I am not
Of an indecent kind;
Lost in the decay
Of an, obscure mind
Today, I am not
In a dissociated state
Lost in the hell,
Of an, existential waste
No, today is a new day
Even if it has to be forced
To yearn, for a listless sky
The ecstasy, God’s love endorsed
Come unto me,
Oh skies, that love divides
Fade away, oh time that encompasses a mind
For, my happiness, shall forever shine
Today I am not,
Hearing the voices,
Of 1,000 devils
To forbear a 1,000,000 different choices,
Today and always,
I am a child, witnessing God’s love,
When the rain pours down,
I only hope, I have the strengths from above
Today, yes today!!! -
Tell me about happiness, please
Because sometimes I just don't know
I over-evaluate the concept, by piece
When, in turn, I should just let it go
There is a hollowness, that exists within
Deeply intertwining the pieces of my heart,
The pieces exist only to try and convince
Others that I actually have a working part
If I say, that talking satiates the insanity
And radiate the pieces of my soul,
That the eminence of the dawn draws integrity
Would it erase the fact, its just a show
I want to write a happy poem
I want to sing a new song, but it just doesn't
exist
Maybe if I keep writing I'll keep growing
I want to be happy, but something resists -
Tell me about happiness
Because I feel as if it is fake
Tell me about reality
Because it's more than I can take
Happiness, it sings to a new day
Eminence avast, a listless display
A thought…what if it was an equation, misplaced
A projection, programed and ingenuiously interlaced
They tell me to not overthink it,
To just accept reality and continue on
But my mind is just, an evaluative conduit
And my reality just can't try to condone
I try to be positive and try to carry the weight
I smile and put on a mask, so others can't see my real face
You wanted a happy poem, to me, it doesn't exist
So instead I'll tell you how my reality consists -
He stands, with a looming presence,
he awaits what will eventually come;
sorrow, a contrast to his wretched reality
wanting to overthrow what's come undone
The one inside, metaphorical presence
sinister one, I musn’t even try to obey;
you are a, hellish twist to existence,
with angry words, you listlessly betray
The absence, a void of a presence
Oh God, hear my mortally painful cries
the one who stands, he must oppose,
til death, oh how he continually tries
To the one, relinquishing presence
you shall, never win, but exclusively fail
our arbitration shall be a grand escape
from the monotony of this inner hell -
Blood Rain Disassociate me
rip apart my mind, in vein
tear away my thoughts from reality
I'm tired of feeling sane
Anger
Sadness
Hope
Trust
Rejection
Happiness
I beg you…take it all away
Bleed me an ocean dry
I have so many angry words to say
Death, it seems like an old friend
Some ecstatic familiar, waiting
An emotionless final end
A thought, patiently pulsating
I don even care about poetry anymore
I want TO FCKNG DIE
…
Sorry lost myself for a moment
In the darkness he sings in my ear
Sinister one, see my atonement,
But your words are all I hear
Turmoil, my old friend, you return
A yearning, lost in reality, I acquit
I want to sink back to discern
Where, in this world, do I fit
Schizophrenic Poems, Short Stories, and Thoughts 