The Missing Son
“Jake, how was it at your father’s house this weekend?” I could see the anguish in his eyes as he got in the car. I could tell he had been crying. His eyes were still well up with tears. “Come on, we can go get some ice cream. I missed you too much.” That made him smile, at least. We got some ice cream and a movie, then went home. It usually took him a few days to come back around to himself once he comes home from his father’s house. His drinking really upsets Jake, and to be honest, he isn’t the nicest person to be around in the first place. His drinking just intensifies that. I spend most of my time on my knees, praying for Jake. He is my one and only purpose in this world, and I would do anything to see him happy.
As we ate our ice cream, and watched Mac and Me on V.H.S., he started to come back around. I had told his father about drinking around Jake, and how bad it upset him. He just thinks of himself, though. As the evening went on, we ordered a pizza. I know It’s not very responsible to let him eat ice cream before dinner, but hey, I’m a cool mom. Jake loved to watch Mac and Me, it was his favorite movie. He always laughed when Mac would do his little whistle thing. He would always copy him when he saw him doing it. “Well, let’s go to bed. I have a surprise for your birthday.” Jake went to bed looking forward to tomorrow, and I said a long prayer before I went to sleep.
The next morning, I must have had been excited too. It seemed like I was up and at it before I even knew it. I woke Jake up and made breakfast while he was getting ready. Pop Tarts and bacon were his absolute favorite thing in the morning, but I tried to sneak a little fruit in after last night’s debauchery. We ate breakfast and got a prompt start on getting our things ready. I still hadn’t told him where we were going. I knew he had wanted to go caving for a long time, and The Lost Sea was the perfect cave for him to explore. I was really excited to see his reaction. I loved it when he looked forward to things. We didn’t get to do much, me being a single mom and all.
The whole way there, Jake was going nuts trying to figure out where we were
going. I could see it in his eyes, and he absolutely wouldn’t be still. His ADHD really got the better of him sometimes, and me, if we are being totally honest. He was asking me over and over, “When are we going to get there, Mom?” The puffing too, when I wouldn’t tell him, “Patience is a virtue.” He hated it when I would say that phrase. We passed a sign advertising the cave, but he didn’t catch on. I had a backup story just in case he asked. We took the final turn and headed down an old back road. He was really confused then.
We pulled up to the cave, and he was beside himself. “No Way!” He said, over and over. When we got out of the car, he was basically running around in circles. I just couldn’t contain him, and I hated to fuss the whole day. Like I said, we didn’t get to do much, so I let him have his fun. “When do we get to go in, Mom?” He kept asking, but we had to listen to the tour guide first. They also had to go over the safety guidelines, and what have you. If you thought he was going to be still for that, you had another thing coming.
There where 150 steps carved into the pathway leading into the mouth of the cave. Going down deeper into this giant opening. The pathways were winding down further as we went., and once you got to the bottom it opened up to the size of a department store, nearly, it was amazing. Jake was absolutely beside himself with excitement. I wish I had a leash, I couldn’t keep him from nearly knocking me and the guide over. “Jake, you are going to have to calm down. This is a dangerous place, and you could really get hurt.” It was no use though.
Honestly, I could tell the guide was already getting aggravated with Jake., and to be honest I almost called the whole thing off. I didn’t want to hurt Jake on his birthday though, especially after having such a terrible weekend at his fathers. Jake just couldn’t handle his father sometimes, that worried me. Anyway, I am trying to relax, and not worry about things I can’t change at the moment. Jake would be ok, he just needed to get out and forget for awhile.
We were exploring the large cavern, when we ran to try and catch up with Jake. We rounded the edge of a rock right behind him. When we got into the next room, he was gone. We were right behind him, It didn’t make sense. The room was a dead end, there was no place for him to go. We looked for any sign of another pathway, but there was nothing. I was a beside myself. I ran ahead into the last room in a panic. He was nowhere.
I was running all about the large cavern, in a daze of confusion, as I feared the worse. All of a sudden, I heard a sneaky little giggle. It came echoing from a distance way off in the back of the cave. “There was no way Jake could have gotten that far that quick,” said the guide. I ran off as fast as I could in the direction of the giggle. The guide told me to stop, but I didn’t listen. He said there where drop offs in that cavern. I didn’t care though, my son needed me.
As I ran about the cave, I could see Jake sitting in the dark, cold and alone. I wouldn’t have it though, I would find my son. ‘The giggle came from this way,’ I said, fleeing toward my only hope. I ran into the next opening panting frantically. In a panic, I almost didn’t see the drop off just ahead of me. I was looking to my left as I ran ahead. I slowly approached the edge hoping I didn’t see him at the bottom. It was really far down and I was terrified Jake was hurt. My knees where shaking with terror.
I heard a whimper in the other direction. With a restored sense of hop I propelled myself toward the sound. I could hear the guide trying to keep up, but I was too frantic. “Stop,” exclaimed the guide. I ran in all directions, not knowing where I was, or where I was going. “Jake!” I screamed as loudly as I could. The guide told me to stop, that I could cause a cave in, but Jake needed me. I ran about until I found his busted flashlight. The light was leading toward another cavern. Filled with sharp rocks and hight spaces. I squeezed in, and at this point I didn’t have any clue as the direction I was going. There was no time to stop and figure it out. I needed to find Jake.
“Over here, I found a shoe.” I made my way through the tight passageway and around an overhang. Jakes shoe was laying in a pool of water. My heart sank as I went toward that direction. “I saw him,” I proclaimed, catching a glimpse in the distance with my light. “Jake!” I went as fast as I could, squeezing through crevice, and crawling under rocks. The most agonizing feeling was seeing my son and knowing he needed me, but not being able to get to him. Nothing would stop me though.
“Mommy Help!” It echoed all through the cave, and I didn’t know what to do.
I was going through corridor after corridor, and room after room. There was no Jake, and in my stupor of confusion, I was becoming more and more lost as I went. I fell and twisted my ankle on a rock, but nothing would stop me from finding him, he needed me. At this point I was limping in pain. Lost in the confusion of a moment, I stopped to catch my breath. As I looked in the corridor, I saw no Jake.
I had started to give up, when all of a sudden, I caught a glimpse of Jake running as my light passed by. With a new sense of hope, I arose and ran after him. I didn’t even realize I was limping into the same room where he disappeared the first time. It was the same as last time, he disappeared as soon as he turned the corner. My hope had been shattered, once more. And this time I didn’t know where the guide was. I was lost, had a missing son, no guide, and I hurt my ankle. My son would never be seen again.
I sat with my head in my hands, crying uncontrollably. I just didn’t know where my son was, or if he needed my help. I know he needed me, and I couldn’t get to him. The desperation I felt was more than I could bare, and I felt like there was no hope at all. I called out for anyone, and just heard my own echo.
In a final act of desperation, I fell on my knees and prayed for my son. I had asked for forgiveness for what I may had done. I had given up, and needed more help than I knew. As I cried uncontrollably, I heard, “Why you crying, Mommy?” I looked up to see my son standing there smiling. He had a glow about him, like he had been touched by an angel. My son was fine and I was relieved.
“Good morning Tennessee!” It came blasting on my radio as I arose from my bed in a complete sweat. I was soaked from head to toe. Had this all been a dream, and what happened to my son. I couldn’t calm down until I laid eyes on him. So, I jumped to the floor and ran to Jake’s room, to see him sprawled out in his zombie clown pajamas. He was laid out under his fan, completely fine.
Schizophrenic Poems, Short Stories, and Thoughts 