Schizophrenic Poems, Short Stories, and Thoughts

I was doomed from the start, a cruel man born to a cruel world. My confliction was that of a cheat. It was because of this confliction, that I came to be in my current predicament; a doomed man with his head on the block awaiting fate. My accuser was unknown, but for all that it is worth, I am not angry. Only sad I didn’t get to have more fun. Fun seemed to be my fate’s weapon of choice, as I should probably have lived a more boring life. But, if this is it, then this is it…

And then, suddenly, absence. And a silent haze that seems to go on for an eternity. This haze was so thick you could only see a few feet ahead of you. I was honestly afraid to move forward, as I didn’t know what was ahead of me. I called out; there was no answers only an echo that bounced all around me. This place…where was I?

It was all I could do to make sense of where I was or what had happened. There was a vagueness to my thoughts, it seemed, something I couldn’t place my finger on. As I walked forward it was the same nothingness. Just this dense haze that never ended. It was like I could walk for an eternity and there would be nothing.

I suddenly heard another voice echo, and it was a painful moan.  I began to walk toward the sound as it grew louder. This white haze was all around me. I couldn’t see anything only hear a voice. I walked for what seemed like hours, but nothing, only a moan. For the life of me I couldn’t understand what was happening.

Suddenly, after I had just about given up hope, I walked upon a dank and creepy river deep in the haze.

An old man was standing there waiting inside a boat with an oar. “I am the ferryman, of the river Styx,” the voice replied. “I am here to carry your soul to the afterlife,” said the ferryman. “For a price.” Suddenly I knew where I was, and an immense panic came over me.

I was a cheat in my real life, and I cheated people out of there money. I got rich off the suffering of others, and now I have no coins to pay you with. The ferryman’s eyes grew saddened as he said, “I am bound by the rules of this realm, and without payment I cannot let you pass.” I panicked and pleaded to the ferryman to let me make amends. Please, I begged!

The ferryman’s eyes looked up and said, “I shall make a bargain with you, I will ask you three questions. If you answer them right, then I will take you across. But, if not, you shall be stuck here doomed to wander purgatory for eternity.” I looked at the ferryman in relief and agreed to his terms.

“Question 1: What is the value of true friendship?” I thought about the question for a second before I answered, and then said, “The true value of friendship comes from a true friend, and a true friend is hard to find. So, the value of true friendship is priceless.” The ferryman looked at me in agreeance.

“Question 2: What is the mark of true friendship?” Again, I thought about the question before I answered. And then said, “The mark of true friendship is love and compassion for one another. To be kind and understanding to one another.” The ferryman looked up in agreeance once more.

“Question 3: What is the true purpose of money?” I thought again for a time. And then answered, “The true purpose of money is to share your wealth when others need it. To love and help one another when in need. That is the true purpose of having money” The ferryman smiled and told me to board.

On the way across the river, I learned that we all needed to love and respect others and their situations. We never know when someone may be in need or need a friend. I am now free to live out eternity helping others and existing in peace.

While locked away in a loathsome descent, some seem to fade away. The distances traveled seem to become blurred in our own minds. The line between reality and delusion is erased and there is nothing to separate the two. Listlessly incandescent images of truth appear, and we are blind to see their splendor. What are we to do, or who are we to become? The ending is unclear to even me, but we shall see.

Liam Mcnabb had always wanted to become an accomplished writer. It was not the fame or notoriety that interested him, but the knowledge that he might help someone. He was truly, a softhearted soul that would help anyone in need. His mother had raised him to respect others and their feelings or situations. And he respected her for it.

It wasn’t until Liam wanted to draft a book that he thought he might need the help of Dr. Richards, his family friend. Even though, Dr. Richards was reluctant to see Liam, on grounds that he was a close family friend. And, it might not be right, but he agreed to see him, nonetheless. So, Liam told Dr. Richards about his fear of drafting a book. His fear was deep seeded, it seemed, and he truly needed help.

Dr. Richards had known Liam for some time now and knew how obsessive he could be. But, even so, he told Liam to just start writing and see what happens. It was not until later that he understood the gravity of what he had just said. Liam went home and took the doctor’s advice and just started writing. It was a slippery slope that Liam almost did not escape.

As Liam began to write, the words flowed like water, and he was powerless to stop it. Days went by as Liam typed away on his laptop, and his friend Ian Thomas had not seen or heard from him in days. It wasn’t like Liam not to call and aggravate Ian at least a few times a day. Ian and Liam had been friends since middle school and loved each other like brothers. Ian had been trying to call Liam for a while now and had no answer. Liam’s mailbox was even full so Ian couldn’t leave a message. Now he was worried.

Meanwhile, Liam was still writing and did not even notice his friend was trying to reach him. He even misses his next appointment with Dr. Richards, which was unlike Liam. Dr Richards lights a cigar and starts to wonder if Liam is in trouble. After a while, Liam appears with a new book. But, after reading over the manuscript, he did not remember writing most of it. Was this book evil? The thought overtook Liam. It consumed him to the point of near insanity.

Liam tried all that he could to stop the thoughts of the book, but they haunted him. Everywhere he went he thought of the book. Was it evil? Who Wrote the book because he did not remember doing it? Was it demons? Liam was losing his mind over the book. And there was nothing that he could do to make the thoughts stop.

It wasn’t long until Liam tried to destroy the manuscript, but there was something that made him stop. He had worked hard on this manuscript and did not want to just burn it. He tells Dr. Richards about the book, and he is excited he stuck to it. But could not understand Liam’s fear of the book. The more Liam explained, the more the doctor realized, he just needed to relax. He was seriously overthinking things and becoming delusional. Dr. Richards tells Liam to share the book with a friend, and maybe his fears will cease.

Ian read the manuscript and at once thought it was spectacular, but nothing he said stopped Liam’s obsessions. It is a bestseller, he tells Liam. But Liam does not care if it is a bestseller. The book was evil, and he tried once more to destroy the book. But blows the match out instead. It was his life; he could not just burn it. So, he decides to give it to a publisher instead. And, within a couple of weeks it is a bestseller.

This book is going to cause sad things to happen, he tells Dr. Richards, and I am helpless to stop it. Liam goes on and on like a neurotic madman. Dr. Richards finally gets him to calm down and suggest some medication for Liam. Liam instantly rejected the idea and got defensive. He couldn’t understand the doctors reasoning behind the idea. He left the appointment upset and confused.

On the way home, Liam noticed a man walking on the opposite side of the road and made eye contact. Liam looked away in a panic. A sense of immense fear and a tingling feeling went through his body. Who was this and why are they watching me, Liam thought. He noticed others looking in his direction as he walked home. Words couldn’t explain the anxiety and nervousness in his chest. He quickly went inside and slammed the door, locking it in an instant.

He ran to the bedroom and curled up on the bed. I have started a cult, he proclaimed! What am I going to do, Liam was concerned to the point he was hearing whispers. He got up and began looking around his house in a sense of dread. How did they get in? Have they always been watching me, he worried. He got a knife from the kitchen and began to look even harder around his home, for the intruders he knew he could hear talking. It was the cult; he knew for sure that they had gotten to him.

As he wandered his apartment the whispers grew louder and louder as a hysteria grew over Liam. Do it, the voices sounded, doit. Over and over they grew louder in his head. Until Liam took the knife to his wrist. Liam woke up in the hospital a few days later with his wrist stitched up.

Luckily, Liam’s neighbor heard a commotion and called the police to come see about the disturbance. Dr. Richards came to the hospital to check on Liam as soon as he had heard. When Liam told the doctor he tried to kill himself Dr. Richards had Liam put in an inpatient facility. After some fighting the doctors and nurses in resistance, and some medication Liam came around and made a recovery.

Once out, Liam decided to write a second book, with the advice of Dr. Richards. This book was about his struggles with his delusional adventures with the first book.  And entitled it, The Book Within. And he hurriedly gave this manuscript to the same publisher. It took a shorter amount of time for this book to be a bestseller and he sold more copies. Liam was invited to go onto talk shows to raise awareness on mental illness. In the end Liam had written two bestsellers and overcame great obstacles. He realized the book wasn’t a manifestation of evil, but a manifestation of his talents.